Tuesday, August 18, 2009

grow me.

I'm begging Jesus to grow me more than usual these days. The conditions are right.

I remember about 6 months ago when things seemed "good" praying that Jesus would break me. Why? It's when I'm broken and things aren't so great that I realize how good Jesus is and how much i need Him. When I don't recognize any physical or emotional struggles in my life, I find myself becoming complacent and letting my relationship with Jesus slack. I'm sure my definition of "broken" and "struggle" pale in comparison to what Jesus' description would be so I have to remind myself how blessed I am and get over myself and my worries. I didn't go without breakfast or lunch today and i'm pretty positive I will be sleeping in a bed tonight, with cool air blowing on me. shame on me for my selfish worrying and my lack of faith.

I look back now and the times where I can see the most spiritual growth with me were times of sorrow, uncertainty, frustration, worry. I am so thankful for those times and wish I could be thankful for them while going through them.

I hear Jesus telling me how I can be obedient. I can take my focus off myself and place it on him. I can practice patience and having an unwavering faith. I can give him my burdens so my thoughts can be consumed with good, selfless thoughts. I can trust in Him and His word. I can rest in the unknown instead of trying to always have a plan. this list continues on and on...

There's not one thing in my life that is inspiring this post. It's a combination of so many. I want to be obedient to what He's telling me. I want to do better tomorrow...and the day after that I want to do better than the previous. I'm praying He's patient with me.

I trust in you.
you are sovereign.
you are faithful and always have been and always will be.
take my worries and burdens from me.
let me give them ALL to you.
let me rest in your peace and stillness.
grant my heart patience.
let me find hope in you alone.
you have overcome and i will not be afraid in this world.
i will look to you for refuge.

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